This week in squirrels: March 31, 2017

Too smart to quit

A biology professor in Canada tells it like it is. Squirrels are just too smart for us to keep out of bird feeders. Although he tries.

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Speaking of birdfeeders, you say potato, I say...

Can you prove a bird feeder isn't a squirrel feeder? A woman in Canada was cited for "providing sustenance for squirrels." Since neither squirrel nor bird feeding is illegal where she lives, the question is whether she is attracting vermin through her "bird feeding" habits.

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The war on squirrels

Slate recently covered the 1918 "war on squirrels" where California children were enlisted to kill ground squirrels who were responsible for the destruction of millions of dollars worth of food crops. Children enthusiastically came forth with over 100,000 squirrel tails that were captured in a week, and crops made a brief recovery.

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And in North Carolina, people are going nuts for squirrels, but not in a good way: more people than ever are seeking "pest control" services for squirrels.

But squirrels fight back

Not to be deterred by these attempts at eradication, squirrels recently attacked children in a British park, where "In one instance a child was feeding a squirrel when six others ran out from a bush and bit his hand." Six squirrels at once??? Apparently medics had to spend three hours treating the wounds.

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The Chicago alderman who suffered an injury after a squirrel  jumped into his bicycle spokes is back on duty. The accident happened shortly after he implored the city council to fight the Chicogo squirrel problem. Upon his return, he repeated his plea to "ban squirrels," although he claims it was in jest.

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Police Blotter

In Wisconsin, a woman reported that "while her 10-year-old son was waiting for a bus, a man in a car threw a $5 bill at him" -- and in other news, a squirrel was trapped in a home, made a mess and died.

A teenager who broke into a home to steal guns was thwarted by the homeowner's pet squirrel, who startled the teen and "attacked" him.

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A man dodged hitting a squirrel while driving and lost control of his Jeep, hitting a utility pole, a street sign, a tree and a flag pole. The squirrel and driver were unharmed.

The ongoing attempted murder trial for a man who shot his neighbor in the buttocks last May has been postponed to June. The incident began with an argument over squirrel feeding. The accused has stated that he thinks feeding squirrels is a way for him to commune with his dead parents.

Squirrel rescue

Although squirrels are very self-sufficient, once in a while they need our help. A man in Omaha freed a squirrel who had gotten her head stuck in a cereal box.

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In Lowell, Michigan a family found a squirrel who had been impaled by a dart. Wildlife rescue was able to capture and treat the squirrel, who is expected to survive.

A Floridian squirrel got stuck between a sliding door and the screen for almost an hour. Another squirrel stopped by to see what the heck was going on. The squirrel was eventually freed without injury.

And New York's finest took a break from policing the streets to rescue a baby squirrel who was blown from his nest!

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While I'm not a fan of squirrels as pets, this Florida family is getting chemotherapy for their pet squirrel who has breast cancer.

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Squirrels and Food

A squirrel is either commuting between NY and Philly, or each town has yet ANOTHER pizza squirrel. Boston recently laid claim to its own pizza squirrel. In case you haven't guessed, squirrels enjoy pizza.

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In Canada, a squirrel and a crow disagreed on who was going to get that last slice of pizza.

Squirrels and Sports

Baseball season is here, and perhaps you've been wondering, what's the Rally Squirrel been up to? And will he predict this year's World Series Champion?

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Power Problems

Squirrel related power outages were reported in SeattleKetchum, ID, North Lakeland, FLTerre Haute, IN, Laureldale, Pa, East Duluth, MNOntario, Canada, Williams, AZ, and Morganton NC.

A squirrel "triggered" an electrical problem, leading a nightclub in Thailand to burn down. There was no indication of what exactly the squirrel did.

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In memoriam

Students in Houston raised funds to preserve a much-loved campus squirrel with unique markings.  The cause of death of the White Tailed Squirrel is unknown, but his taxidermied body will carry on his legacy forever.

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In Kansas, students held a memorial service for Ralphy, a campus squirrel who was found dead and "didn't deserve to die."

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Hunting corner

Squirrel: It’s what for dinner

The Missouri Department of Conservation recently posted a new video on making Squirrel Sausage. Start with fifteen squirrels...

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Representatives in Mississippi recently proposed extending the squirrel hunting season, to give dogs more time to work.

And the Holley Squirrel Slam, subject of a 2015 lawsuit that was tossed, has once again been targeted. The Fire Department of Holley, NY has been advised to seek legal council after a lawsuit was filed by a local squirrel supporter. The "Slam" offers cash and other prizes to folks who bag the most squirrels on Slam Day.

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An alternative to killing: sterilization via Nutella

Gray squirrels are causing problems for the red squirrels in the UK. But folks don't want to kill mass numbers of cute gray squirrels. The possible answer? Delivery of oral contraceptives to gray squirrels via Nutella.

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